Wednesday, May 8, 2024

I try to take one day at a time

but sometimes several days attack me at once.

I'm feeling attacked right now. Six years ago I had my right hip replaced. Earlier this year I was feeling the same kind of "ow" in my left hip. In April, it got bad. I went to Urgent Care and yep, I'm due for a new left hip. It's bone-on-bone there.

Here's the kicker: I went to the Ortho group attached to my primary care and I can get in for surgery in July. That means three months (from time of diagnosis) of disabling pain. 

I immediately tried to get appointments with the other two surgical options I have here, and will see those providers in mid-month. I'm hoping I can get in earlier than July. That's one of the downsides of being in a smaller metro area--not many options.

I am, essentially, disabled now. I used to walk 10K steps a day and went to the gym 4x a week. Now I cheer if I get 5K steps and the gym is on hold. I still lift weights (at home) and am doing leg exercises (gingerly) to prep for surgery. This ain't my first rodeo so I know what to expect.

I've had back pain all my life, but I can cope with that. But now I am hobbling and while the drugs I was prescribed somewhat mitigate the pain, it's always there. 

Paradoxically, this has made me realize how lucky I am. Let me count the ways:

(1) the first major (hopefully temporary) disaster in 71 years

(2) drugs

(3) I am not in a war zone nor am I a displaced person suffering like this

(4) I have a caregiver who can assist me

(5) drugs (it bears repeating)

(6) I have distractions: books, my writing, streaming TV.

But most of all, there's this: there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know what is wrong and I know it can be fixed; perhaps not back to 100%, but better than now.

I imagine all those people who have chronic pain with no 'fix'. What must it be like to know that this is the best it gets? I have hopes I'll be better. How does someone who hasn't even been diagnosed feel? How desperate, how depressing, how mind-numbing that must be.

So yeah. My summer is sort of shot. But I have ice, drugs, heat, a home, a diagnosis, and a chance to get it fixed. I am so much better off than so many people and I know it.

But I still may whine now and then. 🤔

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