Where am I going?

 And what am I doing in this handbasket?

That's how it feels sometimes -- I swear, where does the time go and where does life take me? I have some friends who are having medical issues, and I've been trying to help, but it's tough. Sometimes life does just take unexpected turns.

I suppose that's why I love to write novels. When I'm in the middle of writing, I'm somewhere else. It's not always a Happy somewhere else, but it takes me away from where I am. I can always switch my brain into "what would my characters be doing now" mode.

Ah yes. Writing. A lifeline for people like me.

Talk is cheap...

 ...because supply exceeds demand.

This seems so appropriate on this, an election day.

I always mute the TV when political ads come on. I don't care who they are: Mute. I also don't read any political junk sent to me. I do read the newspaper, but I don't delve deeply into politics. I don't trust politicians and I don't trust news people. We no longer have a Walter Cronkite or Harry Reasoner to trust.

I abhor the direction where our country is sliding. I hate the underbelly that was exposed by Trump (yes, those supporters are deplorable). My feelings for many family members changed when they came out in support of him and I can never go back to the happy acceptance of them.

You see, I thought we all had the same values but we don't. And I just can't compromise on that. This isn't about a single topic (abortion, voting rights, taxes). It's about basic human decency. 

Yep, talk is cheap. Actions speak the loudest.

Age is a high price to pay

 ... for maturity.

There are times when I feel every minute of my 70 years, and this week is one of those times. To start with, I fell down -- hard -- on a hardwood floor and that resulted in bruises and some creaks and groans. I also have a continuing problem with severe leg cramping (no one knows why), and that's come back. I had a month or two of no cramping at night, but it's back with a vengeance.

Whenever I complain like this, I think of those people who have lived with chronic pain of any kind, be it mental or physical, all their lives and it makes me pause. I know my pains are temporary or can be solved with a bit of medication. What would it be like to never have the sense that the pain might go away?

::shudder::

Everyone has a photographic memory.

 Some don't have film.

Of course, this doesn't apply anymore, does it? No one uses film, right? I don't know about you, but now that I take photos with my phone, I take way too many photos. You have to say this for old film cameras: I used to stage my photographs a lot better than I do now because I knew it would cost me money to develop that picture.

That's true of many things nowadays. So much is disposable. I think about that as I do some crocheting in the evenings. I donate everything I make and I don't begrudge the effort I put into it. I know some people won't value the blanket or shawl I make, but that's okay. I'm doing it for myself as much as for them. I like listening to books as I sew, so it's a win-win for me. If someone considers what I'm doing as disposable, well, I guess that's okay. 

If it wasn't for the last minute ...

 ... nothing would get done.

I'm one of those people who normally sets a deadline then I try to hit that deadline early. I know some folks who work great at the last minute. I am not one of those. I can do it, but I'm not happy with it.

I've found since I retired that I'm still doing the same thing. I set a deadline for a book I'm writing -- "Let's wrap this one up by April 15" or "I want all reviews done by July 1." Then I work to meet that deadline.

Oh, yeah, stuff gets in the way now and then, but usually I can do it. I wonder why it is that I am deadline-driven. I certainly didn't worry about homework or chores or things like that growing up. I don't remember sweating any studying (except for New Math which caused me no end of heartache. I remember the appearance of that textbook to this day and I shudder). I always got reasonable grades for the little amount of effort I expended. 

I think it's that if I set a deadline, I have a definite goal. I want to have things nice and tidy in my life because so much is untidy elsewhere -- let's face it, the world is in a shithole right now and there's so little I can do about it. Maybe if I manage my own time, the world will feel better to me.

Something to ponder on one of those sleepless nights, perhaps.

Or perhaps not. 😀

Junk is something you've kept for years

 -- and throw away three weeks before you need it.

I was in a meeting yesterday with friends and one mentioned they're cleaning out a hoarder's house. She described it and I shuddered. I dislike clutter of any kind, but then I realized that one man's clutter is someone else's comfort.

My sister thinks my house is cluttered. Hers is very minimalistic while mine has Things. All Things I use, but more Things than hers. I have bookcases, she has none. I have cubby drawers. She has none. I have a somewhat large desk, 2 computer monitors, and she has one small desk, one computer.

I use all my Things. Yes, I could pare down my Things, but I use them. Why pare down? Perhaps hoarders feel that way, too. I could get rid of Things but why? I have room for them and I use them. Is that the key difference? I use my Things?

Hmm. Something to consider?

For every action...

...there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Never has this been more apparent than in our current political and social climate. If one person says "Masks", another says "Never a mask". If one says "yes", another says "no".

This seems to extend to all things. I told you about 2 friends who were struggling with health issues. One passed away and her death has left me reeling. It's so easy to say "what if" -- what if she had sought treatment earlier? What if the doctors did this or that? But that's too easy. It is what it is and I have to accept it.

The other friend is facing an uncertain path into dementia, which can be so hard to diagnose and hard to treat. Is it truly dementia or is it just elderly confusion? It's a hard road for her children who have made lives for themselves far away. They want what is best for her, but what path will that be?

I've come to the conclusion that we can all only operate from knowledge and love and hope we've made the right choice. We won't know for sure until events unfold, and maybe our knowledge was faulty. But if our love was there, we truly did try to do the right thing.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry.

 Then things get worse.

Today I'm reflecting on what is worse. I have two dear friends who are in dire straits, health-wise.

One is someone I've known for almost 30 years. She's active, outgoing, and upbeat. She's had her challenges in the health area. She was ill as a child, she donated a kidney to her father, and she battled breast cancer recently. Now she's fighting for her life because of an infection from her gall bladder. She's a thousand miles away from home and has been in the ICU for two weeks and will be there for at least two more. Her wife is with her, but she's in and out of consciousness, being intubated and flooded with medication.

The other friend is one I consider an older sister. She's 10 years older than me and in the beginning stages of dementia. Again: active, outgoing, and usually upbeat but she's had a hint of melancholy since her husband died 8 years ago. She's never been a decisive person, but she always seemed to meet life with a 'can-do' attitude. Her children live far away and are trying to help, but it's hard (I know. Been there, done that).

For both of these women I am praying for a successful resolution, no matter what it might be. I hope for both of them that there is gentle release from pain and grief and fear. I don't know what form the release might take, but each of them deserves the best that Fate has to offer. I will help where and how I can, but am removed from them both and there is little I can do. But I'll step in if needed because I want to give both ladies all the comfort I can.

Sometimes life is just bitching hard, no two ways about it.

On the keyboard of life--

always keep one finger on the Escape key.

Isn't that the truth? I've had some health issues lately and believe me, there are times I wish I could press an Escape key. I am no stranger to pain, but the last couple of weeks has tried even me.

I keep reminding myself that this, like all things, will pass, but could it please hurry up? But the hurrier I go, the behinder I get sometimes. 

I really need to find my Zen place, just take a deep breath and allow life to play itself out. Hard to do when you're feeling crappy, but if I can just do that, it'll all be okay.

Or maybe I just need the Escape key ...

If you look like your passport picture,

you probably need the trip.

I think a lot of people are feeling the need to get out and about because they've been cooped up with the pandemic. I'm lucky. I don't feel that way 90% of the time.

I've never enjoyed travel. I enjoy *arriving* but I dislike getting there, especially if it involves an airplane. Road trips are okay as long as there's some fun things to do along the way. Almost all the time I do the driving, and I view driving as a chance to think about whatever book I'm writing.

It never fails -- I'll be driving along and I'll get a great idea for a scene or a bit of dialog or the way a plot should go. I grab my trusty digital recorder and get the idea saved. I've taken road trip and had 20 or 30 entries by the time I get to where I'm going. It's great. It's like the act of driving frees my mind and allows me to think about other things, even though I am paying attention to the road.

I sure hope I never lose that ability because it makes road trips palatable. Speaking of which ... I'm stuck on a plot point. Maybe I need to hop in the car and go for a drive.

So many stupid people --

 -- so few comets (yes, I just watched Don't Look Up. A lot of Sad Laughter there)

Have you heard the latest? Drinking pee to cure Covid? I have two hopes for this latest insanity:

1. That the people who believe it have not had children so the Stupid will die out with them.

2. That the people who believe this try it and help clean up the gene pool.

Does that sound angry or bitter? No, I'm neither of those. I am just tired of reading about gullible idiots who don't trust medical science. Believe me, I know that the medical establishment isn't perfect. But it's the best we've got and there is NO comparing someone who went to YEARS of training with a TV hack or failed politician.

End of rant. Back to your regularly scheduled insanity.