Women think men will change after marraige. Men think women won't.

They're both wrong.

I recently celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary. My husband and I went out to dinner and I said, "Who would have thought, 25 years ago, that we would be sitting here, eating this, and talking about that?"

I walk a fine line between optimism and pessimism. I think of myself as a pragmatist, but I always have a sneaking hope for the best to happen and will strive to make that happen. My husband is an unabashed pragmatist. His feeling is that he'll give something 100%. If things don't work out the way he thinks they will, he'll walk away without a backward glance.

I won't say we've been lucky in our marriage. We've had to work to make things, well, work, and we still have bumpy times. But we don't argue bitterly, we don't fight over money, and we manage to get along pretty well, day in and day out. I married him after a divorce, when I was in my 30s. He was in his late 20s and, as he put it, 'tired of the dating scene.' I think we found each other at the right time: we both had ideas of what we wanted in life and when we found someone we could share with, we decided that was the right thing to do.

I know of many people in what I call 'toxic relationships.' They don't have a supportive spouse, or they tiptoe around their spouse, or they don't share the same views on some pretty important issues. That makes their lives not really their own. They end up worrying so much what someone else will think that they lose track of what's important to them.

Is someone in your life supportive...or not? How does that color your perception of the world? Is that relationship essential to your life? If negative, is there any way it could be changed? Imagine your life different than it is now.

Is that worth considering?

A dog is just a dog unless he is facing you...

Then he is Mr. Dog.

It's all about perception, isn't it?

How often have you looked at something and thought, "Wow. Cool. I wish I had that." Or looked at something and thought, "Lame. Who would want that?"

It's way too easy to simply dismiss what we see based on our own mindset. It takes a bit more work to put yourself in those shoes. The shoes of ... Mr. Dog.

Think about it. You're walking down the street and you see a stray dog. Ho, hum. Yep, there shouldn't be any stray dogs in the world and that's too bad. You see his collar. Okay, somebody 'owns' him and he got loose or was let loose or...

Then he turns and faces you. Suddenly it isn't just a stray. It's a dog, facing you down in the middle of a street. You suddenly pray that whoever owns this dog has kept up on the rabies shots, etc. You hope this dog has had good socialization with those owners. You hope the owners aren't someone who beats a dog and says it's justified because the dog is 'property.'

What is the dog thinking? Now that's the tough part. You don't know his background, you don't know his baggage. All you can do is approach him with your own baggage, your own thoughts, your own way of acting. If it was me, I'd be friendly. If my friendship was rebuffed, I'd walk away. And if he looks like he'll attack, I'd either find a fast way to retreat or find someone to help me.

Now that I think about it, that's a good way to deal with people, too. Do you deal with toxic people on a daily basis? What are some of your coping mechanisms? What works? More importantly: what doesn't?

Who is Mr. Dog in your life? And when you run into Mr. Dog, how do you react? Is it always the best way? Can you learn from encounters in the past that weren't always productive?

And think about this: do you seem to attract the Mr. Dogs of the world? If you do ... why? Are you okay with that? Or can you change some behavior or facet of your outward-facing personality to make sure those people don't attach to you. And if you can't change it ... are you okay with the fact those toxic people are attracted to you. They won't change. You'll have to be the one to change it.

Think about it. Before blaming another person for ruining your day .... is it Mr. Dog's fault?